Lyn Cockburn, Edmonton Sun, Edmonton, AL, Canada, March 25, 2009
George Galloway once donned a cat suit and crawled on the floor lapping up cream from a model’s hands on Big Brother – the British version of the reality show.
This alone would have been a good excuse to … well, maybe not ban the Brit MP from our country but at least censure him (another unfortunate word). Or perhaps twitter him with a tweak stating we in Canada do not suffer fools gladly.
Unless, of course, they are our very own fools. Why, for example, we let Don Cherry, an otherwise superb hockey commentator, babble on in thoughtless promotion of fighting in hockey, is something to ponder.
Grapes recently stated: “I love fighting – drop the gloves and let’s go.” Stupid and stupider.
But back to Galloway, whom we have indeed refused entry to Canada, even though he has been here several times before.
Our government has deemed the bombastic MP, who some Brits consider to be something of a clown, a security risk. Seems that when he’s not meowing, he’s supporting Hamas, a violent Palestinian organization that is nonetheless the duly elected government in the Gaza. He’s also on record as stating Israel committed acts of disproportionate aggression in Gaza.
Note that the Conservative government has not yet confirmed an intention to censure those Canadians who firmly support Israel’s right to exist as a safe country, yet, at the same time, deplore some its government policies.
The official announcement from Jason Kenney, minister of Silly Walks, Citizenship, Immigration and Multiculturalism, is that Galloway is a security risk. Maybe because he recently sharpened his claws in order to scratch everyone he’s ever come in contact with – from former Prime Minister Tony Blair to the Canadian government. Tony Blair chucked him out of cabinet and we won’t let him in.
Galloway is now a Respect Party member of parliament in England and no, he did not, I’m told, come up with that name for his party all by himself.
What a fuss. What a lesson in how to complicate matters unnecessarily. The reality is that sometimes there are simple solutions to life’s little problems.
For example:
1. To avoid the lawsuit Galloway is threatening, Jason Kenney can simply let the man into Canada.
Show him the sights in our fair country. An unconfirmed report says there’s a cat show in Moose Jaw he might be interested in. All sorts of breeds will be shown from the exotic Persian to my favourite, the Maine Coon Cat.
Note that most of us would not cross the street to listen to one of Galloway’s speeches. Well, maybe if we were paid say, $500 for buying a ticket – a profit of about $498.
Throw in an all-expenses-paid trip to the set of Dancing With The Stars, a $50 credit at Tim Hortons and tickets to a Habs game (they may be struggling but I love them anyway) and I’d go hear this cat speak.
2. Tell Don Cherry to keep up the great commentary, but order him to desist with the inflammatory pontificating about fighting.
He won’t stop, of course, so we must go to simple solution number 3.
3. Want to get rid of fighting in hockey? Easy. Insist all NHL games be played in the nude – visors, helmets and knee pads allowed upon special request. Those players who do ask for them will be labelled wusses – something that should please Don.
The game would then be played with due care and attention, with no joy in punching out members of the opposing team.
Goons would be exposed for what they are; good players, although anxious at first, would soon carry on at great speed in order to keep warm.
It would take no more than a week to rid the NHL of fighting. We could then steal a description of another game and call our hockey “the beautiful game.”
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