Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t celebrate Father’s Day. Today is particularly miserable for their members and families
Jehovah’s Witnesses, the right-wing protestant sect, is more likely to participate in the break up of a family than holding it together contrary to their public relations messages.
Holidays that most people associate with family – Christmas, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and Birthdays – are acutely painful for ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses. They are reminded each year that their family does not want them. In time, they learn to form new relationships and family groups but there is always a place in their hearts that hurts.
On Friday night at Churchill’s I ran into a young friend who was still nursing the hurt of being brought up in a Jehovah’s Witness family. When he decided to strike out on his own, his mother and father ostracized him. To add insult to injury, a Montague elder Gerry Deveau disfellowshipped him.
Shunning illustration – Edward Lear
Disfellowshipping is the Jehovah’s Witness version of shunning or excommunication. A person who is disfellowshipped is cut off from their family unless they recant whatever slight an elder like Deveau concocts. I know this character. Deveau stalked me for two years trying to find something to accuse me, like a modern Javert from Les Misérables.
Jehovah’s Witnesses leave out the Middle Ages Catholic burning at the stake; however, the effect is no less devastating. Imagine yourself cut off from your parents, brothers sisters, cousins, aunts uncles, grandparents and former friends. The reasons can be as diverse as not upholding their Victorian ideas of sex to expressing doubts about the Watch Tower magazine.
Emotional vacuum of disfellowshipped
My friend didn’t know that 30 years ago I left the JW’s. When I told him my similar story, he was relieved to find a kindred spirit. The look of simpatico came over his face like lifting a weight off his shoulders. He has been suffering the loneliness of losing all family contacts for years.
Since he was disfellowshipped, he has been living in an emotional vacuum, trying to reconcile his independent life as a adult with the demands of his family that he return to the fold.
The number of disfellowshipped JW’s is staggering, more than 60,000 per year. “Two out of every three are never reinstated. Being disfellowshipped can result in serious emotional side affects because those that continue to believe Watchtower doctrine are told that whilst disfellowshipped they are condemned to everlasting destruction.” JW Facts. It is estimated there are more disfellowshipped JW’s than actual members. Every JW family has one or more disfellowshipped members.
Why do people convert then leave the Jehovah’s Witnesses
The reasons for someone to convert to the Jehovah’s Witness faith are generally personal and don’t apply to the succeeding generations. A study in England showed the prime target for JW conversion were females who had become detached from their social supports through a recent death in the family or the birth of a 2nd or 3rd child while living away from their traditional home. ( The Trumpet of Prophecy: A Sociological Study of Jehovah’s Witnesses )
Jehovah’s Witnesses canvas homes constantly, looking for disaffected women who are their prime targets.
Jehovah’s Witnesses canvas door-to-door looking for converts (illustration JW.org)
A parent’s need for social supports from a religious cult aren’t there in the children. The next generation tend to drift back into mainstream society. Fear of disfellowshipping is the main reason children remain in the faith.
My mother converted to JW after her 4th of 5 children. My father was working two jobs to support us and she got lonely. I was the first to leave the religion. My older brother left but returned when the emotional stress got to him. A sister left the JW’s religion while one sister remains a JW today.
Like my friend, the price disfellowshipped children pay is ostracism. While some JW parents are ambivalent about the Watch Tower rules on disfellowshipping, self-policing keeps most families adhering to the rules.
When the local elder was trying to build a case against me, he tried using my 8 year old son to spy for him. “Is he swearing at home? Does he drink a lot?” The whole process is very intrusive but they are relentless. They should have asked me since I clearly didn’t believe the 1970’s world was going to end in a big hurry, sufficient grounds in itself for the being DF’d.
Parents can be disfellowshipped themselves for not keeping disfellowshipped children at a distance.
It has been 40 years since I left the Jehovah’s Witness religion. Their doctrine’s have waxed and waned on disfellowshipping and association with relatives. The world has not ended in Armageddon. Life went on. Many former JW’s are still haunted by those family break ups. Looking at the big picture, it’s not that unusual for religion to have a role in family schisms.
Craig
It seems that honesty may not be in your repertoire – or you have very unreliable sources for your information.
An elder cannot disfellowship someone.
Elders do not stalk people.
2/3 – are never reinstated?? Over 90% are reinstated – their own choice.
There are a lot more who are members than have been disfellowshipped. Statistically each year there are nearly 3000,000 new JWs. That’s 5 times the number who are disfellowshipped. Your stat’s don’t include the number of disfellowshipped ones who return.
Canvassing homes – Acts 20:20 – Jesus followers have done it since the 1st Century. See also Matthew 24:14
Stephen Pate
It takes 3 elders to df someone although often one strong willed elder will control the committee. 30 years of jw experience is enough. Anyone can google thousands of stories about df’ing.
This is the standard denial. JW’s work hard to polish the apple but it still is rotten
Melissa
Been there and got the t-shirt too. While losing family is difficult, it is necessary to live your life as an independent adult as you say. Forging our own way in the world is an important rite of passage and our families and old friends who don’t wish to be part of that journey are cheating themselves from our lives…but we must live our lives anyway.
Good luck to you!
Melissa
LDH
Craig is a liar. Elders DO stalk congregation members.
No, 2/3 that leave don’t WANT to come back. 90% reinstated is bullshit.
Craig if you want to look at stats, why don’t you start by looking at the number of ‘partakers’ at your Memorial every year.
Then try to explain how it’s gone up from 8000 a year to almost 11,000 a year when we all know the ‘anointed’ are dropping like flies.
Sharon Helin
The point is… unnecessary pressure is put on a child who can clearly see right through Jehovah’s witness doctrine. They want to leave but love their family and so are torn.
I stayed for 30 year’s and had it not been for my daughter and my wish to give her a normal life I would probably still be sitting through pointless meetings and annoying my poor neighbours, judging my fellow man and faking my way through life.
Since I have left I know the real meaning of “you will know the truth and the truth will set you free” because I am free. If only I could help my family see that there is a wonderful life to be lived right now, they don’t have to live in fear.
My dad has already passed, due to his refusal of a blood transfusion 20 years ago. As it turns out according to JW doctrine these day’s he could have accepted treatments that would have saved his life. I do get lonely sometimes when I think about my family but I’ve started a new generation of children and cousins who will come together on the holidays and not ever have to worry religion will tear their bonds apart.
Cyndy
When I was df’d it was like an ambush. 30 years in the org, married to an elder, and a pioneer, I began to have serious doubts. I expressed them. I was df’d. Long story short.
When my mother died, my ‘faithful’ family did not even tell me. I did not get to say goodbye. Same with my dad, 3 years later.
Shameful and unforgivable.
Stephen Pate
Thanks for sharing that. When my father died they told me not to come to the funeral service. I had to fight for the right to attend, despite the fact that I paid for the funeral arrangements.
Michael B. Caines
Greetings from across the pond in Europe.You have hit the nail on the head.Truly little climbing men the likes of Deveau make suicide bombers look sympathetic.At least they often finish off their victims.Sad case.His faith gives religion a bad name.
*Note to NJN Network: I am visiting Canada this year.Put me back on you mailing list.
Carol Jansen
Every one of the 100,000 + – congregations of Jehovah’s Witnesses around the world maintains a standing ecclesiastical tribunal called the “Judicial Committee” The Watchtower Corporation Headquarters in Brooklyn, appoints the 3-4 men who will serve as investigator, judge, jury and executioner of all members in their local congregation–anyone (including minors)suspected of some wrong doing. Because the congregations are so small, Committee members know and hold opinions on anyone they choose to judge. Those accused (by the very same men who will pass judgment on them) have no Constitutional Rights; are not allowed to bring witnesses on their behalf or question those against them, nor are they permitted to record any part of the proceedings which may lead to their excommunication.
Under these circumstances, only a blind man would find it difficult to recognize the opportunity for an Elder to rid himself of any perceived enemy. Any Police State in history would be envious of the controls a Judicial Committee holds over Jehovah’s Witnesses.
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Stephen Pate
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Anonymous
I sorry for persons who thing that they must only worry, care or remember in a more special way, their father/mother or other member of family only in a specific day of the year, they dont admit that the so called “fathers day” or “mother day” is like a conditioned and mechanical day, that was invented by someone that thought that attention to his father and mother or son must be conditioned to one day, like a robot who is programmed to smile more, but only one day in an entire year. I know Jehovahs witnesses and if there are someone that are the most happy persons in the world, those are the Jeovahs witnesses, they dont walk by ideas, traditions, or follow others way, they have their own way, wish is specificaly based on the happiest, loving care teachings of the bible. For them the Father and mother and son are important in all days of the year, they offer gifts from the heart to each other, they dont wait for a speficic day to smile to their mother and father and son, they smile form them all days of the year. So you say Unhappy fathers day for Jeohovas Witnesses, but it would be better for you to say: “An entire year of happiness for Jeohovas Witnesses familys less one”, and “One day of happines for the ones who observe the fathers day, less one entire year”
Stephen Pate
You’ve got to be kidding. Seclusion from society is not healthy. I know JW’s as well and they are weird. Really weird but proud of themselves and secure knowing they are going to get rich for just hanging around and reading the Watchtower. Delusional is a better word than happy.
anonymous
I am a Jehovah’s Witness myself. Being raised in it by my mother gave me the opportunity to thoroughly read my Bible and learn from the scriptures. Since you’ve “been a Witness for 30 years”, you are aware that in the Bible Jehovah God did not command us to celebrate holidays, only the Memorial in honor of Jesus’ death and resurrection for us to have everlasting life. The holidays you spoke of all have pagan origins. Christmas, for example, is one of them. December 25 was the date many pagan worshipers gave thanks to their Sun god, not Jehovah. As many embraced the Christian religion, they decided to incorporate their old festivities, hiding it as Jesus’ birthday. Based on Bible texts, Jesus’ actual birth date was never stated. But it does say the shepherds were able to sleep outside with their sheep during the time Jesus was born. Also, Jesus was not too much younger than his cousin John the Baptist. That being said, Jesus was probably born between late September, early October. With that being said, we follow the lead of first-century Christians. To the commenter who mentioned disturbing their neighbors, we do this because Jesus commanded us to do so. It is meant to comfort our neighbors with Jesus’ loving words and Jehovah’s fulfilling promises. Also, celebration of life can come as often as you’d like. Usually Witnesses throw little get-togethers or parties to enjoy each others company. When someone is disfellowshipped, they had the opportunity to fix whatever wrong-doing they committed and to make it right. The reason we do not communicate with them afterward is to make sure that whatever morally incorrect decisions they were making would not spread around the congregation. It does not only affect and hurt the individual, but is often even worse for the family to know that someone you love decided not to repent for the serious sin they committed. It is awful for some of you to assume and wrongly suggest facts that are blatantly untrue and judgmental.
Stephen Pate
Thanks for the nice recitation of the “official” Witness line.
God didn’t tell us to text or not text, use an iPhone or an Android phone. God didn’t tell us to use cars or not, eat sushi. Fundamentalism is fatally flawed by the insistence of scriptural answers for everything in life. Add to that flaw is human nature to interpret Bible passages to agree with doctrine and you have the recipe for deadly sectarianism that divides mankind. Muslims worship God but Sunni and Shia sects murder each other over doctrine, each one believing the Koran supports their doctrine. Christians have been killing each other and non-Christians over the tyranny of small differences for two thousand years.
If you like the religion stick to it but try to allow other people their faith as valid because nobody can prove one doctrine/religion is any more true than another. Witness arguments are as specious and empty as any other religion. They are a house built on straw.
As for disfellowshipping, it is mainly used to keep dissent and dialogue from infecting the flock. You don’t talk to people, not because of their sins for they usually don’t need sins to be expelled, but out of fear they may show you how weak the doctrine is.
Lucky
You have got to be kidding me Any one who is shallow minded enough to think Mother’s Day or Father’s Day or Birthday or anything else Christmas, Hanukkah etc.. Memorial Day, Independence Day is Only remembered, appreciated etc. Once a year is just that shallow minded. NO many of us who have been raised correctly to respect think of these days often and appreciate those that have given for us. That is why we at least take one day at least one day to pay official respect to them and make the day about them. Not to be a lazy piece of crap and put our own needs and wants first as we do the rest of the year. Just an excuse for people to keep on going about the daily grind never taking time to stop and spend it with those that they should be telling I love you you have value to me and let me show you by stopping my usual bullshit!!!!!
azoreseuropa
Wow, this site is full of false information. Shame on you. You know nothing. Disgusting. What you said about JW is untrue. Very ashamed of you. Disgusting again!
Stephen Pate
It’s a badge of honour to be dissed by JW commentators.
adriana riley miller-cuevas
“JEHOVAH ‘s WITNESSES Support Sex same marriages ” like the comment under the picture above , that is so falsely wrong, shame on you for putting something so misleading!!.it should be JEHOVAH’s WITNESSES DO NOT support same -sex marriage.because marriage is between a Male and Female !!!
Stephen Pate
Read the article above the caption “Jehovah’s Witnesses support same sex marriage” before you condemn the article. Cheers.
Janice Petrie
I think this is a big joke.we have lost our much love son and grandson because of these people you broke a family and you pulled it apart.he always shared his birthday with his dad and grandad that has been taken away from them.I hope he wakes up one day before its to late.he’s lost his real family.
Sheena Jackson
This thing about the funerals…I am not baptized, however my mom is, along with other family members. My mom’s twin who was disfellowshiped for ‘repeated fornication’ was there as well as an uncle who had disassociated himself. I think some of y’all’s family members are messed up, not Witnesses as a whole. Also, while it is true that they don’t celebrate holidays, we get together on more than those who do…so unbroken 😁
Stephen Pate
Thanks for your comment. Not being baptized makes all the difference in your situation. They don’t disfellowship or disassociate people who were never confirmed JW’s. My cousin’s mother converted when he was a teenager and he resisted baptism. He gets invited to everything and laughs at them. My ex-Mother-in-law was a faithful JW but she decorated a tree and celebrated Christmas to make her non-JW husband. Ah the good old days. Thanks for the dis on my family but the rules are the rules. How your family interprets them is their business. I have a huge JW extended family and they are all the same from Nova Scotia to British Columbia from Toronto to San Jose.
John Stratton
I asked this question many times:
J W likes their neighbors on both sides and would help and protect them as best they can,
So how far up & down the street do they help and at what point do they stop?
As of yet I’ve heard no answer to this simple question,
I ask this as a US Marine on behalf of all law enforcement whom they have no hesitation to call for help and the military,
My ex and our children offer nothing to me ever, I feel full body pain on these special days,
Although JW flocks won’t celebrate, they truly enjoy the benefits. Dare any of them to say extra money given or time off isn’t accepted. Black Fridays and other holiday specials are sought after and waited for.