Do not pat us on the head
Honorable Carolyn Bertram
We are humans and deserve respect. We don’t deserve pats on the head, figurative or real.
One day in April a few years ago the PEI MLAs were walking across from the Coles Building to the Legislature.
We were handing out “Disability Fast Facts” a one page summary of the PEI Disability Support Program. I was in my wheelchair.
As the MLAs went by many of them reached out and shook my hand, a normal greeting. As Carolyn Bertram went by she ignored my hand and patted me on the head.
In an instant she reduced me to something less than an adult. Perhaps a child in her Grade 1 class? Or a nephew?
Unfortunately for people with disabilities, patronizing gestures are part of life.
It happens the instant the disability becomes evident by use of a cane, wheelchair or obvious walking impairment.
People talk louder, as if you are deaf.
Some nurses, hospital staff and waitresses talk to the person next to you. “What do you think she/he wants for lunch?”
Some people hold doors open when there is an automatic door opener in plain sight. Perhaps you don’t know how to work the button.
These any many other gestures are totally inappropriate. People with disabilities are not deaf usually, nor are they suffering from early dementia. Most people with disabilities have all their faculties except one or two physical or mental abilities.
Assume nothing other than we are human and deserve to be treated with respect. If we ask for help, it would be nice to extend it but don’t assume we are helpless.
I tried an experiment once. I went to a meeting in a government office in my wheelchair. It wasn’t too successful. The person in charge talked down to me and gave me wishy washy answers.
The next meeting, I walked into his office without my wheelchair. He immediately brightened up and we had a successful meeting.
Why do people assume we are helpless in a wheelchair but intelligent and independent standing?
Treat everyone with respect please.
John McLean
Did she pat all disabled people or just you.
Her pat may be a reaction to you as a person instead of you as a disabled person.
And someone treating you differently on different days could be as simple as having a bad day.
But if you want to automatically assume the worst about others maybe you shouldn’t be surprised when others assume the worst about you.
And it may be appropriate to point out that every person who isn’t disabled may not know the location of every automatic door in town. Fine if you want to feel it demeans you as a man to be treated with consideration but you end up looking like you’re bitter instead of independant.
Just one gimp’s opinion
JMcLean
I recognize patronizing behaviour much of the time. Other times it’s because the other person is a dipshit and treats everyone in a patronizing way, not just the gimpy.
Please note I didn’t say you were bitter because you advocate. I was trying to say people who throw hissy fits over something like others kindness look like theyre bitter. The guy trying to help won’t “get it” all of a sudden. Hell just think youre a bitter person. There is a way to educate people everyday by the way we interact with them. Just an idea.
Whyohwhy
Many of your examples of patronizing gestures are indeed rude but I swear if someone told me I was being patronizing after holding the door open for them, I’d tell them to fuck right off – disabled or not.
The pat on the head is an obvious insult, however, and is frankly atrocious. I suspect it’s got nothing to do with your disability and everything to do with a personal dislike for you. Where the disability factor comes into play is that she gets away with it easier (or thinks she does) because you’re in a chair..I’d be pretty riled if someone patted me on the head, that’s considered downright insulting to anyone.