Jehovah’s Witnesses still calling on God to smite the rest of us 150 years later

A NEW MAN: Codey Bramley, 20, from Kapiti, was one of 28 people to be baptised at the three-day Jehovah's Witness conference in Palmerston North. Manawatu Standard photo

With story from Manawatu Standard, Palmerston North New Zealand

Unlike the Catholic Church which as amassed gold, paintings and buildings in the current world, Witnesses are hoping we all die so and they can take our SUV’s and houses.

Good luck Codey with your new life that took only six months of bible study and a dunking.

You and 7 million Jehovah’s Witnesses are in line to collect the earthly goods of all 6.7 billion members of the human race alive today.

“Souls were saved by the masses in Palmerston North this weekend.

More than 3000 Jehovah’s Witnesses packed into the Arena Manawatu Pascal St Stadium to learn how to survive the end of the world.”

“Spokesman Rick Delmarter said the planet will not be destroyed, but like Noah and his Ark a new system on Earth will be established which will see some left standing and others not. The public were invited to come and learn how to face the future with confidence and build a relationship with God, he said.”

“Young people were lining up to be baptised and locals who had not previously belonged to the church came along to hear what it was all about.”

“Considering all the influences around young people at the moment, the drugs and violence, some are still keen to live a good life and get on a good path, which is very encouraging.” Manawatu Standard

Jehovah’s Witness’s have got to be the most selfish and materialistic religion going, in a forward thinking way.

They even beat the 70 free virgins promise to Jihad martyrs, as if any man could handle 70 virgins without going nuts.  Ask any guy who has tried juggling two girl friends, wives, even daughters at once knows. It takes way more effort than it is worth.

I used to worry that Codey and his Witness friends would get my SUV when God smites me down at Armageddon. My Witness brother has been stealing my stuff since we were little. That really ticked me off.

I sold the SUV and don’t own a car. I’m not trying to save the planet, well that’s part of my idea. Mainly I want to have a small footprint so Witnesses won’t pick over my bones after Armageddon. They’ll find a few guitars and out of date computers.

Codey seems like a nice guy.  If he can make it from New Zealand after all the planes, trains and automobiles good luck to him. There will be no one to drill, refine, ship and sell gasoline let alone fly the planes, trains like it shows on World After People on TV.

Codey can have my prize Martin D35s guitar, if he can get here from Australia or New Zealand. But Codey, please don’t pick my bones. Keep my grave clean.

Please see that my grave is kept clean by Gary Davis

Don’t be greedy Codey, drop the ukelele off at my 93 year old mother’s place in Halifax on your way home. She could use a new one.

History buffs

For those with the need to know, Jehovah’s Witnesses are a Millennial religious cult that takes the part in Revelation and Armageddon deadly seriously. You and I will be dead after Armageddon and they will be picking your bones, unless we sell Watchtower’s from door to door.

The whole idea comes from a French Catholic monk who added up the years in the Bible (Adam beget and lived and he begot etc.) He calculated that 6,000 years from Adam would end sometime in the 1830’s.

Ellen White in 1899

A group formed around a protestant revivalist Ellen G. White took the Catholic conjecture and turned it into exact predictions about the second coming of Christ.

The Seventh Day Adventists made numerous hard and fast predictions about the end of the world starting on October 22, 1844

Post Revolutionary United States was flexing its Manifest Destiny as a young, vigorous nation in more ways than territory. That was a rich time for uneducated people to read the bible and form new religions.

The obvious failure of Adventists didn’t dissuade many of their adherents.

Charles Taze Russel modified those teachings, added Congregationalist populism and a WatchTower printing factory and created the beginnings of the Jehovah’s Witnesses.

There’s a sucker born every minute said P.T. Barnum. Despite failing to deliver the end of the world after dozens of published dates in the Watchtower, Jehovah’s Witnesses continue to grow. Some memorable dates God was going to smite everyone but Witnesses were 1886, 1914, 1918, 1934, and 1954.

When I was growing up JW, it was all supposed to come to an end, one more time, in 1975. I hung around to see the show but nothing happened obviously. I lit out for the obscurity or rural PEI and some peace and freedom the next month.

Codey and his friends Fixin’ you and me to die

So there we have Codey and 27 of his friends hanging around to watch us die. Witnesses repeat this ritual week in and week out.

Personally, I’d rather get on with living.