An example of bad parenting no doubt
Stephen Pate, NJN Network, Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island, Canada, July 5, 2009
In another time and another place, a father sat down with his 9 year old son at breakfast.
“Son,” he said. “Do you know the three most important things in life?”
The boy looked up eagerly from his cereal bowl and comic. “I don’t know dad. You tell me.”
“Money, sex and power,” replied the father. “In no particular order.”
The son smirked, then laughed. He had gotten used to his father’s peculiar sense of irony. Some of the boy’s earliest memories were savoring catching his father with the water hose before he was two.
Later at the office, the phone rang. It was the school principal.
“Mr. P,” for we will protect the guilty and the innocent in this true tale. “Mr. P, do you know what your son said out loud in Show and Tell this morning?” Without waiting for the reply, Mr. Deadman propelled himself forward.
“He said ”
“Do you know the three most important things in life?” and when the teacher couldn’t answer he said, “Money, sex and power,” and laughed.
“And what is your problem with that?” asked P in a hurry to end the call.
“Problem, we have a problem with parents who teach their children filth like that and we either want an explanation or we are calling Family Services,” replied Deadman his voice rising in tone and volume.
“Hold onto your shirt. I’ll come over and we’ll talk it over.”
With that P left the safe and profitable confines of his company and entered the narrow corridors of East Bent Elementary School. The school motto went something like – as the little trig is bent, so the adult is controlled.
“So how are things?” P asked trying to break the frost between them. “I see you’re a Montreal Canadians fan. Been to any games lately?”
Deadman was having no truck with small talk. He immediately assumed the role of principal giving a Grade V student the “come to Jesus” lecture.
P drifted off, like Charlie Brown getting his lecture “Waw, waw, wah.”
Finally as Deadman’s veins started popping on his neck and his bulbous nose got redder than a bum outside the Queen Street liquor store, P stopped him in his tracks.
“Let me get this right. You think I’m an unfit parent because I told my son a joke about money, sex and power. What if I really meant to give him a lesson in life using humor?”
Deadman sputtered, tried to regain his principal’s bearing but it was too late. P had the floor.
“Let’s look at this logically. If you weren’t making money being principal, and good money at that, would you sit in your office day after day putting up with teachers and other people’s children?”
“No, I submit,” P answered his own question as Deadman leaned back.
“Even more importantly, if your mother didn’t get poked, which is a sexual act, your little red nose would not be indicating stop or go with the whiskey bottle would it?”
“No, it was no doubt sex that got you here and maybe she needed a swig or two to contemplate your procreation but sex it was that made you,” P said with a flourish as Deadman reached to shield his nose from view.
“And if you weren’t such a little Hitler, keen to lord your puny power over little people up to Grade VI, would you come to work each day or would you just be another faceless bureaucrat?”
“No sir, I submit, it is your desire to push people around that motivates you the most,” said P emphatically as he picked up his coat and scarf.
Deadman was now beet red from his stained white shirt collar to his receding line of gray hair. Not a breath parted his lips.
“Nice Canadians banner on your wall,” P said as he breezed through the office on his way out. “Call me anytime you want to discuss my son, my parenting or the Montreal Canadians.”
But Deadman never did call him again.
Except where otherwise noted, this work is licensed under a Creative Commons License – NJN Network Inc.
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