Jehovah’s Witnesses get in a bad mood around this time of year like a bear in winter. All upset no one is going to get them a Christmas gift or turkey dinner.

That’s the price you pay for putting too much stock in defective biblical research.

Jehovah Witness’s don’t celebrate Christmas cause some moldy old Babylonian God hit his thumb with a hammer and said “Christ!” out loud.

This royal courtier who was a wise arse said

“Christ my ass” and the Jehovah’s Witnesses point to that as a pagan source for Christmas.

The whole thing is written on the Rosa’s Stone. Marty Robbins found the stone right next Rosa’s Cantina, wrote a song about Feelina cause his wife hated Rosa. Or was it the Rosetta Stone? I’m a little fuzzy on history that old.

Back to Christmas… actually according to Wikipedia, Christmas comes from Chris as in Chris Farley a funny but now dead comedian and Mass from massive gifts I like to get myself.

I was lucky. My mother is one of those rootin-shootin Jehovah’s Witnesses but my dad was a good old, go-to-church twice a year Catholic. Luckier still for me one of those days was Christmas.

It was so cool.

My mother is arranging some door to door Watchtower work for Christmas morning and dad would say, “I’m taking Stephen to see mom.”

Out the little cripple boy would go like Tinny Tim on his dad’s shoulder.

Mass was a mysterious session of sit down, stand up, kneel and shut up. Oh well, it smelled neat and gave me a hint of what the crazy 60’s would be like with girls in sarongs and incense in their apartments.

After Mass we went to my grand mere who made rappi pie, which is a bad translation of pati a la rapure. In West Prince they just say rapure. Sometimes, it would have rabbit for the meat – oh so good. And that’s why they called us Pate.

Well JW’s really are in a bad mood around Christmas. Call one up and wish them Happy Holidays. If you get that far, then say “And have a Merry Christmas too.”

Sworn statement

I, Stephen Pate, of one sound leg, swear these statements to be true for the sole purpose of pulling your leg, except the JW part. They are weird.

1. This is discussed further by Dr. Splenger and Winston Zeddmore