Looking for my Chinese cousin Steve in all the wrong places

I’m not against better sex, but I have my own way of figuring that one out.

Nonetheless, every day I get hundreds of offers for live sex, video sex, email sex, sex aids, Viagra etc. Email spam filters catch them.

I was deleting 260 sex offers from my Gmail account today. Noticed most of the emails were Chinese.

What if they were legitimate emails from cousins in China like Steve Pate over there who lives in Szechuan Province cooking up all that hot food?

Love Szechuan, even if my GRD doesn’t.

In 1981, a lawyer buddy took me to Spadina Avenue in Toronto for some Chinese. “Szechuan?” he asked innocently.

There were only teddy bears
There were only teddy bears

“Sure,” I replied naively.

As he ordered all the dishes with little red marks beside them he said, “Get two Cokes.”

I ordered one Coke but soon regretted that. Where was the waiter when you needed him?

Back to Chinese spam.

So I clicked on an email link at random. Not a good way to find long lost relatives but what plan do you have?

Half hoping to see Steve again and half hoping it would be like sexy Chinese porn, I got a surprise when Cuteshop.com.tv popped up.

Cute Shop.com
Cute Shop.com

I clicked around. Steve wasn’t on that site, just a lot of teddy bears and gee gaws.

I tried to order a few gross of this and that for the flea market on Sunday but it was hopeless. The only thing I understood was the calendar.

I’ve got a niece who speaks Mandarin and a 2nd cousin who was in Peking in the foreign service. I should call them up and see if they can help.

Or maybe Richard Brown: he was over in China quite a bit they say.

My cousin Steve Pate -2 and middle of the pack at Texas Open

Collated first round scores in the US PGA Tour Valero Texas Open, The Resort Course at La Cantera Golf Club, San Antonio, Texas, United States (par 70)

Justine Leonard shares lead after 1st round of Texas Open
Justine Leonard shares lead after 1st round of Texas Open

With story from Sky Sports

Justin Leonard and Paul Goydos share the lead after one round of the Texas Open with at 7 below on this par 70 course. My cousin PGA golfer Steve Pate is 2 off par at 72. Pate is just off the middle of the pack.

Here are all the scores, from Sky Sports:

63 Justin Leonard, Paul Goydos

64 Jeff Maggert, Marc Leishman (Aus), Ted Purdy

65 Brian Davis (Eng), Greg Owen (Eng)  Continue reading My cousin Steve Pate -2 and middle of the pack at Texas Open

My cousin PGA golfer Steve Pate in Texas Open

John Mallinger, strong hopeful heading into Texas Open
John Mallinger, strong hopeful heading into Texas Open

Field set for this week’s Texas Open

By Richard Oliver – Express-News, May 13, 2009

When Steve Shields thinks about the coming week at the Valero Texas Open, history comes to mind. Continue reading My cousin PGA golfer Steve Pate in Texas Open

My cousin Jim Pate leaves meeting due to conflict of interest

Canon de Chelly, near Holbrook Arizona
Canon de Chelly, near Holbrook Arizona

With story from Arizona Journal.com

Just a short note here about my cousin Jim Pate from Holbrook Arizona where he sits as county commissioner.

The paper said Jim left the meeting to avoid a conflict of interest and possible breach of fiduciary trust.

Elected officials, senior bureaucrats and directors hold the public trust and should always avoid situations where their own personal interests conflict with their public trust.

See Conflict of Interest, Brooke MacMillan

Holbrook is part of the Navajo Reservation and a great scenic place to visit east of Flagstaff, Arizona and near the Petrified Forest National Park.

Nice to see our family is part of the corruption in politics.

My cousin Stephen Pate shot at, the officer killed

Pikeville Library, Wayne County, North Carolina
The old Pikeville Public Library, Wayne County, North Carolina with the new wheelchair ramp

Stephen Pate, NJN Network, Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island, Canada, May 12 2009 with story from Goldsboro News-Argus

I just received news that my cousin Stephen Pate in North Carolina narrowly missed being killed by a man. Stephen was assisting in arresting the man of for domestic abuse. We know how volatile those domestic situations can be from television stories. My mother tells me I was named after my cousin. Continue reading My cousin Stephen Pate shot at, the officer killed

My cousin Steve Pate and Nicollette Sheridan at Star Trek premiere

LOS ANGELES, CA - APRIL 30: Steve Pate and Nicollette Sheridan, actress arrive at the Premiere Of Paramount's "Star Trek" on April 30, 2009 at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, Hollywood, California. (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images)
Steve Pate and Nicollette Sheridan, actress arrive at the Premiere "Star Trek" (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images)

“LOS ANGELES, CA – Steve Pate and Nicollette Sheridan, actress arrive at the Premiere Of Paramount’s “Star Trek” on April 30, 2009 at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, Hollywood, California.” (Charlotte Observer.com)

Tons of celebrities showed up for the new Star Trek premiere at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre.

Among the best looking couples were my cousin Steve Pate and miss ex-Desperate Housewife Nicolette Sheridan.

Don’t they make a lovely couple?

He’s so handsome she could be in love with him just for his body. Forget about the billions.

Of course she’s absolutely ravishing.

What’s money to beautiful people?

My cousin Steve Pate misses the cut at the South Georgia Classic

Steve Pate, PGA golfer and my cousin (PGA official photo)
Steve Pate, PGA golfer and my cousin (PGA official photo)

Garth Mulroy wins $112,500 with 69-66-71-69 for a total 275 -13

By Stephen Pate, NJN Network, Charlottetown, PEI, Canada, April 27, 2009 with story from Golf Week

Garth Mulroy edged out Chris Tidland by one point in the South Georgia Classic at Kinderlou Forest Golf Club in Valdosta, Ga. The event ended on April 26th, 2009. With five PGA events under his belt, Mulroy is 2nd in the money at $151,241 on the nationwide tour. Continue reading My cousin Steve Pate misses the cut at the South Georgia Classic

Steve Pate, my cousin, caught on video with Nicollette Sheridan

My cousin Steve Pate and Nicollette Sheridan, holding hands isn't that nice?
My cousin Steve Pate and Nicollette Sheridan, holding hands isn't that nice? (X17Online photo)

Steve Pate, my cousin you know the rich financier, Twittered me last night. “Here’s some shots of me and the new gal, Steve. Run with it.”

Nicollette Sheridan and my cousin Steve Pate – what a hunk and rich too! – were out shopping in tony LA stores recently.

Who cares about Michael Bolton now?

How could someone so good looking be rich as well. Nicollette well she is drop dead gorgeous as always.
Continue reading Steve Pate, my cousin, caught on video with Nicollette Sheridan

Steve Pate, my cousin, tees off Nationwide Tour

Steve Pate, my cousin the PGA golfer
Steve Pate, my cousin the PGA golfer

By Stephen Pate, NJN Network, Charlottetown, PEI, Canada, April 16, 2009

My cousin the PGA golfer is teeing of in Jennings Mill Country Club Athens Georgia today at 9 AM local time. Steve Pate  placed 38th at Stonebrae on April 5th. Current leaders in Athens are: Continue reading Steve Pate, my cousin, tees off Nationwide Tour

Stephen Pate, my cousin, publishes on Evangelism

evangelism-where-you-live
By Stephen Pate, NJN Network, Charlottetown, PEI, Canada, April 15th, 2009

My cousin Stephen Pate’s new book on Evangelism where you live has been recommended by Evangelism Coach International . Stephen covers the importance of local action by pastors to evangelize their churches without exotic or new techniques. Continue reading Stephen Pate, my cousin, publishes on Evangelism