Please don’t patronize people with disabilities
Honorable Carolyn Bertram
Do not pat us on the head
We are humans and deserve respect.
One day in April a few years ago the PEI MLAs were walking across from the Coles Building to the Legislature. We were handing out “Disability Fast Facts” a one page summary of the PEI Disability Support Program. I was in my wheelchair.
As the MLAs went by many of them reached out and shook my hand, a normal greeting. As Carolyn Bertram went by she ignored my hand and patted me on the head.
In an instant she reduced me to something less than an adult. Perhaps a child in her Grade 1 class? Or a nephew?
Unfortunately for people with disabilities, patronizing gestures are part of life.
It happens the instant the disability becomes evident by use of a cane, wheelchair or obvious walking impairment.
People talk louder, as if you are deaf.
Some nurses, hospital staff and waitresses talk to the person next to you. “What do you think she/he wants for lunch?”
Some people hold doors open when there is an automatic door opener in plain sight. Perhaps you don’t know how to work the button.
These any many other gestures are totally inappropriate. People with disabilities are not deaf usually, nor are they suffering from early dementia. Most people with disabilities have all their faculties except one or two physical or mental abilities.
Assume nothing other than we are human and deserve to be treated with respect. If we ask for help, it would be nice to extend it but don’t assume we are helpless.
I tried an experiment once. I went to a meeting in Premier Ghiz’s office with Chris LeClair in my wheelchair. It wasn’t too successful. He tried talking down to me and gave me wishy washy answers.
The next meeting, I walked into his office without my wheelchair. He immediately brightened up and we had a successful meeting.
Why do people assume we are helpless in a wheelchair but intelligent and independent standing?
Treat everyone with respect please.
5 Responses to 'Please don’t patronize people with disabilities'
Did she pat all disabled people or just you.
Her pat may be a reaction to you as a person instead of you as a disabled person.
And someone treating you differently on different days could be as simple as having a bad day.
But if you want to automatically assume the worst about others maybe you shouldn’t be surprised when others assume the worst about you.
And it may be appropriate to point out that every person who isn’t disabled may not know the location of every automatic door in town. Fine if you want to feel it demeans you as a man to be treated with consideration but you end up looking like you’re bitter instead of independant.
Just one gimp’s opinion
John McLean
3 Nov 09 at 12:39 pm
Thanks for your comment.
Why would her reaction be to pat me on the head. Pat Binns didn’t pat me on the head. Robert Ghiz, Olive Crane, not one person in the MLAs did that.
It was also an illustration. It happens all the time. On Friday night, the Canadian Tire parts counter person asked me to wait while he served a lady with a return. Cool. Then he asked me to wait while he served a man who came after me, then he served another man. As he started to serve the 4th person after me I left and went to Home Depot.
You may not recognize patronizing behavior but I do.
The views in the article were shared with me by other people with disabilities and can be found in several publications including “Nothing About Us Without Us.”
To test my impressions, I have repeated the sitting and walking test over and over. Except for a few people, wheeling in a wheelchair instantly gets you either ignored (too short) or patronizing. One of my favourites is when they expect the teenager with me to pay for my groceries. That one is funny.
Name calling like “bitter” is silly. I’m better not bitter. Advocating for disability rights is not bitterness.
Stephen Pate
3 Nov 09 at 1:04 pm
I recognize patronizing behaviour much of the time. Other times it’s because the other person is a dipshit and treats everyone in a patronizing way, not just the gimpy.
Please note I didn’t say you were bitter because you advocate. I was trying to say people who throw hissy fits over something like others kindness look like theyre bitter. The guy trying to help won’t “get it” all of a sudden. Hell just think youre a bitter person. There is a way to educate people everyday by the way we interact with them. Just an idea.
JMcLean
3 Nov 09 at 2:28 pm
Many of your examples of patronizing gestures are indeed rude but I swear if someone told me I was being patronizing after holding the door open for them, I’d tell them to fuck right off – disabled or not.
The pat on the head is an obvious insult, however, and is frankly atrocious. I suspect it’s got nothing to do with your disability and everything to do with a personal dislike for you. Where the disability factor comes into play is that she gets away with it easier (or thinks she does) because you’re in a chair..I’d be pretty riled if someone patted me on the head, that’s considered downright insulting to anyone.
Whyohwhy
4 Nov 09 at 7:20 pm
If it was a personal dislike, they would call that a “tell” in literary terms. At that point, the Liberal Party of PEI of which she was one elected member was pretending to be a friend of PEI Disability Alert and all Islanders with disabilities. That would be two months before the last election when she and the Liberals were in opposition.
Friends told me they were lying to me then, which proved true.
Perhaps, Bertram was letting the cat out of the bag. Other than that, I don’t recall having any meetings with her prior to that. She called me by my first name the first time I met her which would indicate some sort of familiarity.
Too complex, it was just an insult and a patronizing one.
Stephen Pate
4 Nov 09 at 7:56 pm